An open love letter to Chuck Lorre

(Chuck Lorre is the writer/producer of various television programs, including Grace Under Fire, Dharma and Greg, Two and a Half Men, Mike and Molly, and The Big Bang Theory, to name a few. All are brilliant and to varying degrees hold a place in my heart and TV viewing time. As Mr. Lorre seems to have steadfastly shunned most social network and electronic avenues, and as I have yet to find a direct mailing address for him, I shall have to wax obsessive here.)

Dear Mr. Lorre,

I adore you. I first fell in love with your biting wit during Dharma and Greg and my first flash of vanity card. I began to record the show as I watched it for the simple pleasure of reading the vanity cards…and this was in the pre-DVR days when you had to take a chance on whether or not your VHS tape was going to get eaten by the machine. Now don’t get it twisted—I came for the show…the cards were just a delightful bonus. Odd, quirky and funny has always been on my list of turn-ons, and when I discovered that you had a much larger body of work—including stuff I already loved—my heart skipped a beat. And then came The Big Bang Theory. You know that expression “blow in my ear and I’ll follow you anywhere”? Well, just call me Shadow and consider us going steady. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my beloved nerd kingdom would get a major network spotlight AND be so wildly popular. And the fact that we’ve reached season FIVE with no signs of slowing down is completely, mind-shatteringly AWESOME.

I so wish there was a way for me to tell you this personally, as the only web connection to you I have is your website of vanity cards—which I still visit to read and re-read (especially the censored ones—I love your perverse streak). If I can figure out a way to get you to hire me—for anything: gofering proofreading, counting paper clips or general genuflecting—I will somehow get copies of whatever version will admit me into your inner circle delivered to you, along with pics of me in a Starfleet uniform if that will sway you. I simply desire to be in the presence of your brilliance as it passes and dare hope that a meager fragment chances upon me.

Sincerely yours,

A Devoted Fan

P.S. I think it’s criminal that you have yet to garner any direct accolades for your genius—sure, the various academies have rewarded some of the expertly cast actors with nominations and a few wins, but it’s not the same as writing or producing nods…after all, they couldn’t very well win anything if you didn’t give them something to say. I, uh, *ahem* am particularly adept with a crowbar should you need someone to pull a Tonya Harding on somebody. Not that we would resort to such an action—I’m just saying….

*geek swoon*

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